To us, assertiveness is a philosophy for interacting with others. In other words, it is a communications tool.

When we have coached people to be assertive, we have found they feel respect for themselves as well as respect for the other person in the interactions.

Assertiveness is not being aggressive. It is not being passive. Assertiveness is a way to ask for what you need, state difficult feelings, and negotiate well with others without anyone feeling violated. In most interactions, we have found it is not just one person assertively asking for changes, but rather two people wanting to express their feelings, opinions or wishes (and maybe get their way). So, each person must take turns being assertive and then listen empathetically… and that’s good communication!

Here are ten reasons to be assertive.

1. To assume responsibility for asserting your share of control of the situation – and to make things better.

2. To ask why and question authority or tradition.

3. To initiate, carry on, change and terminate conversations comfortably.

4. To share your opinions, feelings and experiences with others.

5. To deal with minor irritations before your anger builds into intense resentment and explosive aggression.

6. To speak up, make requests, ask for favors and generally insist that your rights be respected as a human being.

7. To overcome the fears and self-depreciation that keeps you from doing these things.

8. To show positive emotions (joy, pride, liking someone, attraction) and to give compliments.

9. To refuse unreasonable requests.

10. To accept compliments!