Dear Dr. Mimi,

I love my job and am very grateful to have it, but I have a coworker who is driving me crazy. She wants us to go to lunch together daily. I prefer to bring my lunch. She is always stopping by my desk to ask me what I am doing. She complains to me about fellow employees. I feel like she is always in my face. She and I were friendly before I came to work here. In fact, I would not have even heard about this position if it weren’t for her. Now I dread her. Help!

—Suffocating

 Dear Suffocating,

It is time to set limits. Let her know how much you appreciate her getting you the job and that you want to do a good job for both of you. Emphasize that just because you now work together, it does not mean you have more time for the two of you to talk about issues that aren’t related to work, and that you would prefer not to talk about your coworkers. Having said that, what contact would you be willing to have with her? Are you willing to do lunch once a month? Once a quarter? If so, set some dates and suggest you will catch up then. If you have a date set, when she comes to your desk and starts to talk, suggest that the better time to discuss the matter would be at your lunch date. Be polite, but be firm!

—Dr. Mimi