Dear Dr. Mimi:
We have a fairly new employee who has been making somewhat racist remarks. He is a really nice guy otherwise, and I enjoy working with him. When the remarks have been made in a group setting, I have quietly slipped out and walked away. However, he still has an audience and I don’t think it is the right thing to do. I thought about telling our supervisor, but often he is a part of the audience! How should I handle this?
—Bothered
Dear Bothered:
When we do diversity training, we often say that the listeners to inappropriate remarks are as guilty as the speakers. Why? Because they are colluding in prejudice whether they intend to or not. Take the time to educate your coworker by letting him know that his remarks and jokes really are a big deal because they promote bias and can do real damage. The damage is not only to the group being denigrated, but also to him. Let him know that you are intentionally going to distance yourself from him should this continue. Your supervisor may not realize that he is contributing to the problem. You might want to let him know how bothered you are by your coworker’s remarks. You might even suggest that some training could be helpful.
—Dr. Mimi