It can be discouraging when people don’t take your advice. Was it because you’re not credible enough, you were too pushy, or simply they didn’t like the advice? Advice is a delicate gift, and as a gift we want it received well. Here are some tips for giving advice:
Reflect what you hear – We hear things through our own filters. To truly understand someone, we need to check to be sure we received the same message, both in content and feeling, as it was sent. Share your interpretation!
Do they want your opinion, or are they venting? Try: “I have an idea that might be helpful,” and proceed cautiously. Ask questions – sometimes people just need to be guided while they talk through their problems to find a solution Offer insight, not recommendations – a study by Dalal and Bonaccio (2010) found that people thought the best advice they received expanded their knowledge of the problem, instead of telling them how to behave.
If recommending, use first person – “A thought I’ve had is” instead of, “You ought to.”
Remember: “Advice is like snow: the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind.” —Samuel Taylor
Learning to Give Receptive Advice
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Dear Dr. Mimi – Poor
Dear Dr. Mimi,How do I ask my employer to assist me in paying for my education? I would use my education to get a better job in our company. I can’t afford it at the salary I am currently receiving. I know that they have paid others to go to classes in the past.—Poor Dear…
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Dear Dr. Mimi – Improperly Trained
Dear Dr. Mimi,I have an assignment and feel like I am falling behind because I simply don’t know what to do. I am new to the company and had one week to train and get familiar with the work environment, but I feel like my training was rushed and had gaps. How do I approach…
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Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is the belief that one’s success is due to luck rather than skill, despite evidence of competence. Here’s how to overcome it. Imposter syndrome means you care about doing well. By recognizing these feelings and challenging them, you can achieve your goals with confidence.You’ve earned your success—now own it!
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